1st Mother’s Day

“Children love their mothers. Especially with a boy child and his mother, there’s a bond that’s unbreakable.” – Tyler Perry

Today marks the first Mother’s Day that I will spend without all of my precious children. While being a mother is a learn as you go task where we all fly by the seat of your pants rule by instinct and a deep rooted love for your babies, I believe that this last year had taught me more than I could ever have imagined about what it is to be a mom. The selflessness and determination.

(My Boys, Tucker and Brady)

To see a young mother more afraid than she ever could be about the future of her sick child, yet she coos and bounces her baby while tube and pumps are attached. To see the smile plastered on the face of another while she chases her little one down the hall as he rides a big wheel, just so that the iv pole can keep up. To see yet another mother come along side of a newly diagnosed mom and show her the ropes in the midst of her own fear. To hear her calm nature in the middle of the night as she soothes her crying and worried child through treatments. To pass by her room and see her sitting next to her child’s bed and holding his hand as he finally is able to sleep, exhausted herself yet unwilling to leave the side of her precious one. To see her finally and only break down as she walks through the hall off the ward out of view of her child where she can finally for a brief moment face her fears. To watch her with her healthy children, still encouraging, hoping and supporting. Determined to make sure they do not feel left behind as the tornado of a medical crisis takes hold. To see a mom of a terminal child, who’s moments are being counted down by minutes and seconds, lay beside her baby in bed and watch a rerun of Spongebob while holding back tears and filling the room with all the love she can muster from her being to bring peace and joy into such a dark moment. Being a mom is hard work under any circumstance but being a mom of a child with a life threatening illness takes on a whole new meaning. I watch these mother’s and I drink it all in. I have learned so much from their diligence, compassion and love.

(Brady, Codi and Tucker’s Last Outing)

On the early morning that Tucker’s spirit rose free, unencumbered by the ravages of leukemia, my own mother, who had faithfully traveled this road with me, always there at a moments notice was there again without being asked. I was in a state of shock as I lied in the very bed that Tuck had died in clutching the shirt that he wore. She said nothing and so much all at the same time. She sat beside me and held my hand as the horrors of the bitter morning sank in and stayed with me as I finally drifted to sleep.

Being a mother brings you the greatest rewards and the deepest heartbreaks. It is bittersweet. It is an honor. It is the moments that you swell with pride at your child’s accomplishments and that you stay ready to endure the challenges, no matter what they are. Being a mother is never giving up.

Today I am blessed to spend with my wonderful son Brady. Who brought me delicious cup of coffee this morning, chocolates, a card and a beautiful pink hydrangea. Although he picked it out for it’s pink color knowing his mom loves all things pink. I found that it has this meaning, which to me is so perfect for Mother’s Day.

(Brady James Arnold)

The pink hydrangea represents the “giver’s gratefulness for the recipient’s understanding”. It is a symbol of delicate beauty and it suggests anything that is sincere. The pink hydrangea is a rare beauty that should be recognized as such and be used for its specific and great meaning of grace and acceptance.

Today will be spent celebrating being a mom and remembering the good times and the bad with gratefulness for the privileges and honor.


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