Facing Your Worst Fears….

“It’s okay to have fear – we’re all human; it happens – but in facing your fears, you can really open yourself up to things you never thought possible.” –  Katherine McNamara

Although I have been headstrong in this fight and fighting hard to stay positive….we were faced with our worst fear on Friday 12-17-10. Tucker’s Cancer was back. But not only back, the doctors didn’t know what could be done to put him into another remission. We didn’t know if the cancer had grown too smart and if any standard chemotherapy could be effective. With days till Christmas we had the sobering reminder that this could be Tucker’s last one. It is a heartbreak that is unimaginable. How do you tell an 11 year old that we may have come to the point that quality of life and comfort care was all that was left to do. I couldn’t bear the thought.

(Laying with Tucker with a heavy heart & a lot to consider.)

With all of the unknown we had to forge ahead and try to give Tucker the best Christmas possible. Even in the hospital. We decorated his room with lights and two Christmas trees. We filled the room with gifts and love. His family member all came and tried, under the circumstances, to celebrate. I wished for hope, for answers…that is all I wanted for Christmas. We learned of a phase one trial that we could put Tucker in. The doctors didn’t know if it would save his life or have any effect on his cancer. But with no options left is was one we had to take….Tucker’s body would prove that we couldn’t wait any longer. Tucker’s form of leukemia leaches calcium out of his bones and into his blood stream. The high levels of calcium in his body could cause him to have a fatal seziure or go into full renal failure. So without knowing if the chemo would work we had to go for it and pray. The phase one had to be back-burnered.

As we fought to save Tucker’s kindney by enduring several days of dialysis, lots of drugs and prayers. The Chemo proved to be working…against all odds it was lowering his atypical cells.  This morning Tucker’s calcium levels are lower and the doctors have haulted the dialysis. Although he is battling an infection there is lots of hope that he will soon be in remission again….now finding a bone marrow donor is our next big task.


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