“Not everything happens for a reason. Sometimes life just sucks.” – Alexa Chung
There just isn’t a better title to this post. I heard today about one of the sweet little cancer warriors of 10 south who’s cancer has relapsed again. I am heartbroken for her family. It just is so unfair. In my last post I expressed frustration that Tucker is not a candidate for a bone marrow transplant. Yet this little fighter has had two already. There are no guarantees. I am so frustrated that their is no cure for childhood cancer. Just a best effort to put it into remission and a hope and a prayer that it remains in remission.
Just this week Tucker and I had to come into the ER at 11 pm. He had a fever and is neutorpenic (no ability to fight off infection). The ER nurses had a tough time accessing his portacath because the needle they had was to big for his port so what usually take less than a minute took nearly ten. Tears streamed down my sons face as he clinched onto me with both hand. By the time it was done I nearly barfed. Now it is passed midnight and we wait for transport to take us to the children’s cancer ward. By one am they have arrived and while Tuck finally drifts off to sleep I have to wait up to speak with the doctors. Finally at 3 am I put myself to bed.
Tucker’s has only two days for his counts to go up or his Make A Wish trip to Legoland is off. Well technically just delayed but for an 11 year old heartbreaking. But Tuckers counts don’t budge and we are still at the hospital. We should be at home tonight unable to put ourselves to bed awaiting a limo to pick us up and whisk us away on an adventure.
But then I get this news about this sweet little fighter who was over 100 days out of her second transplant and now facing this battle all over again. The worst fears of any parent with a child with cancer. It is just a terrible reminder that we may be stuck fighting this battle again. And here we are sad that our trip is delayed. By comparison small potatoes.
So tonight I look at my son, I am thankful that he remains in remission. And although I have been in the same clothes for three day because I haven’t been home since we walked into the ER on Tuesday, I am reminded that everyday should be cherished.
I am grateful that Tucker’s Make A Wish Trip can be rescheduled but if I could make a wish, it would be that there was no such thing as childhood cancer.